“Love is a product of being able to honestly look at oneself, fusion is a product of focusing too much on the other.” Glen Jennings, Ed.D.
Our society and culture, throughout the centuries, have conditioned us to believe that we are selfish or inconsiderate if we place ourselves in front of others. The result is that we learn at an early age to sacrifice our own needs and wants for the needs and wants of others, at our expense. When we forget to love ourselves, when we forgo our own self care, or when we abandon our own spiritual and emotional compass, we lose ourselves in others. We end up enmeshed, we forget who we are and the things for which we yearn. Sex and love addicts live in a fantasy where they devote their lives and spirits to their partners, forgetting their true selves, confusing love with fusion, for an innate need to feel safe.
The journey towards healing sex and love addiction is a journey of self-love, healing shame and childhood trauma wounds, and facing our own shadows. Sex and love addicts need to learn how to be present and grounded in current reality rather than escape in fantasy. Only then will they be able to see themselves and develop their own sense of self-concept, and break from their fused relationships. When we break from enmeshed or fused relationships, we discover our selves, and the potential we have, and only then can we embark on our journey to nurturing our desires and whole selves.